And in walks perfection....
How I am navigating the wild world of lack programming to create abundantly
Dear Creator Spirit,
I am coming to the end of something and as I near the end, there is this cliff sort of thing. It is an edge that I am approaching and of course, being human, I have feelings about it.
Here’s the thing about feelings–they are not wrong or bad or need to be squelched. Our relationship to our feelings gets to change as we step deeper into creating from a space of love. And by that I mean- we get to create what we love and love what we create! Feelings are guideposts, signals, voices–when brought into the present time– can be our teachers, or lead us to see where we get to shift our vibration from lack to love.
I am thinking this has something to do with the law of attraction. Unfortunately, we may have gotten the idea of attraction wrong-it is not about denying our feelings and making them wrong. We have this perfectionist tendency to have to get it right all the time or risk being made fun of or thought of poorly or some other fear based program that is underlying everything we are attempting to create. But, quite simply our emotions attract, because they too are vibrations of energy. They don’t have to trip up what you are trying to create though, do they?
Can we talk about perfection?
Perfectionism, in my experience, is born from fear and lack. When you look at the why, it holds water. Fear of what someone might think if you don’t do it right (whatever that is!), fear of not being enough on any level, is all rooted in scarcity. Perfectionism becomes a strategy to compensate for that perceived lack. The bar, held from past wounds and distorted perception, is held impossibly high. Who can create under those conditions?
If this wasn’t enough for you, in walks procrastination and avoidance.
These two are here to support you—believe it or not! It turns into a party in the dream space of my unconscious mind and I imagine the dialogue to be like this:
Perfectionism: “Let’s see….. this word is not quite right, maybe I should see if there aren’t better words in the thesaurus. Oh, Let me just re-write this whole piece, I don’t think anyone will like what I just said, or the way I said it. Is this right? Can I say this?”
Procrastination: “If I hold back long enough on this thing I supposedly love to do, I won’t have to feel this, ‘I’m not enough,’ feeling. I mean, I have other things to do today- my list is quite long, maybe I should take a nap, I am feeling a cold coming on!”
Avoidance: “Yep, just walk on by, you know you don’t have the skills to do this! You are lazy, stupid, and partially insane- worst of all you have no talent, I don’t know what you’re thinking– just sayin’.”
Not enough: “Yay! I get to beat myself up for procrastinating and avoiding, which keeps me so busy I don’t even notice that perfectionism and fear of being wrong are really running the show.”
This too is dreaming and creating–if the above is something that sounds somewhat familiar, can you look at this inner dialogue and see it from a space of love and compassion and not make all of this wrong?
We all have been shamed, judged, and have been told we don’t measure up in some way. This is the foundation we have been handed to create from. It isn’t yours or ours, it isn’t true and it keeps us playing the game the way we do not want and manifesting anguish pain and more not enoughness.
So–what, DO YOU want?!
I am having this revelation as I am coming to the end of this series of paintings I have been channeling since September of 2020. (I suppose it was really August when the inspiration hit me, but who’s counting!) These are the guide paintings in the Cosmic Dreaming Lodge. This whole project has been a long slow reveal to me and as I have allowed, I have learned, grown and transformed. I have been taking my sweet time and allowing for the journey, not the destination. Since everything is a spiral, there probably is no destination anyway.
As I am painting Cosmos (shown below) He is the last guide to be completed. He is the one who is asking me to get clear before I paint. And I am just realizing how my procrastinating is helping.
When I engage with procrastination in the way I illustrated above, in the loop, I am using it against me. When I become aware of the procrastination as a tool to support me, I can then see it is asking me to slow down and listen. I can then hear Cosmos tell me not to paint until I can let the energy come through me, purely, I can suspend the lack programming and allow the vibration to come through and be the hollow bone. This awareness changes my perception, changes my vibration and sets me free.
Being in a state of lack while painting a cosmic guide is incongruent to the energy being channeled. It actually can’t be channeled because there is no alignment. If I were to paint in this state, I am only reinforcing my ‘little me’ mindset and painting from ego.
Cosmos is a dreamer and a teacher. He is dreaming a world of beauty and magic, weaving together color, shape, form into something he wants to experience. He wants to share this wisdom with us. I have to, have to, get clear to allow this through. He is passionate about his creation and will not allow lack to enter in. This is the fire of creation.
We must tap into the passion of our own creativity instead of thinking it is anger flowing through like hot lava. In truth and with truth this is your love and creativity! It is the wisdom of the dark goddess- the creator and destroyer of worlds. We get to hold sacred our creative fire and be bold and brilliant–to step out of the lack and playing small with ourselves–passion turns to anger rather quickly when not honored as a true vibration of love flowing through.
Going out to the edge
I was out walking the land this morning and thinking about my day ahead- I am committed to clearing myself to bring this last guide all the way through- to face my fear and all the ‘not enough’ BS.
The cliff’s edge appears, there is excitement and fear here and it is too hard to tell what is what and which is which. To my system, it is all the same. My motor is running, I am feeling a sense of urgency and at the same time I am revving up and my mind is whirling–I can hear my own soul above the din.
Breathe
She whispers, and I do.
I slow down and the wisdom begins to form like a lonely cloud on a dry summer’s day. It is not even about being good enough at all. It is my human programming talking and I can be ok if I just breathe my self into a state to connect.
I am walking on the red dirt path, the sun is masked by clouds. We just received some rain the previous night and the scent of the wet earth is wondrously magical and fills my body with joy.
I love being here, now, taking this all in, and letting go of the struggles I am creating within me. All it took to shift–the breath.
And then I hear voice of the land:
Move toward your dreaming mind,
the deep wisdom of the divine,
the flow of the feminine waters.
The goddess is there waiting.
She has been waiting for you to see her.
With great patience she has been watching–
the struggle of the things you have been fighting to keep
and fighting to let go.
The constant push-pull of tension in your system
is now reaching a fever pitch.
I feel this tension in my body and then within my mind, I see the goddess.
She is glad to see me,
and she calls me near—
Come, sit, she says with her eyes.
I find a spot on the red ground and rest.
I close my eyes and go deeper within.
I hear her:
Quiet now, dear one.
Rest.
And let the dream come.
Let your heart lead.
Your heart knows.
See that you have the power and the strength to let go and allow it to flow through you in the right time for you. It is always there.
This eases the tug o’ war within me and settles me. I see this so clearly as the process of creating in a world that is mad with transformation.
I am walking this path to completion in my own time, at my own pace while learning to be in present time with the lodge, and the guides and my dreams as they become. It is all and it is now and it makes my heart sing.
With love and cosmic dreaming,
Deborah
P.S.
Wanna create together? I am going out on the edge and creating a new Substack section called A Dreaming Orchard. It is the next phase of creating with the guides of the Cosmic Dreaming Lodge.
In the upcoming weeks, I will reveal a little more and a little more. but for now if you’re intrigued click the graphic to find out more.
And as always, when you are ready to come to Sedona and do some deep work with the land, the guides and your inner wisdom the Cosmic Dreaming Lodge is ready for you. find out more HERE or schedule a discovery call - Let’s chat soon!
Orbiting-Attraction ~ I see that, those patterns a lot. I love it Deb. Thanks for putting You out there and here.
Thank you for this!